I once heard someone say that you shouldn’t yell at your spouse unless the house is on fire. Well, unfortunately the house wasn’t on fire, it wasn’t flooding, in fact there was no sense of danger at all. I just blew it.
As I started to come down I started thinking. I’ve known that I fight like my mom. I erupt. I try to have a civil discussion and then all my frustrations, all my defenses come spewing out. I also learned something else about myself. Of the “Five Languages of Love” I am definitely Affirmation. When my husband and I are having a discussion/fight I take things he says out of context and run with them. Next thing I know I feeling like a failure, where that is never (and would never be) his intention or thought. Regardless if the way I fight is nature (the personality God designed me with) or nurture (learning from my mom) if I lash out in anger it is sin. I need to learn how to deal with it. It isn’t healthy for me or my relationships.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of heart issues the past few days. Issues I don’t normally deal with, but they’ve been rearing their ugly heads.
For Christmas this year Shawn and I felt very convicted to ask our family instead of buying us gifts that they would just give us the cash they would normally spend on us instead and we would be sending that to our little girl we sponsor with Compassion in India. This was our heart of hearts. I knew going into this that it wouldn’t be easy not receiving gifts, I mean who doesn’t like to get presents. But it was really hard. Selfishness started to bloom in my heart. I wanted to get gifts just like everyone else. My only hope was to start praying for a heart change. I’m still recovering but God is working.
Shawn and I have been blessed far greater than we ever should be. We are grateful for every blessing. Part of those blessings is blessing Nikita. We love her so much. I believe by God’s providence, we received a letter from her just days before Christmas. Shawn and I agreed to wait to open it and that would be our “gift” to open on Christmas. We opened it last night and our hearts were overjoyed.
My life has no room for a selfish or jealous heart. It was more and more room for loving on other people and blessing them.
Prudence is a 30-something writer who lives in Arizona with her husband Shawn and their chihuahuas Lengua and Zeus. She writes her life, her experiences and her crawl back to hope. Eventually, she hopes to visit India – a place that’s captured her heart without ever stepping foot on the soil.