I’ve been battling loneliness for the past couple weeks. A loneliness that burrows deep into my heart and sends lies to my brain and back to my heart itself.
Yesterday, I tweeted that some days I feel like the crowd watching a monkey at the zoo, and most days I feel like the monkey in the tree watching the crowd. I feel like I’m just sitting there watching the world go by and every now and then the monkey gets a banana.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt loneliness like this. And it was those many years ago that cause me to believe the lies that are whispered silently and effectively into my soul that just wants to be loved.
I’m not sure how to deal with these lies that were once truths. My heart is so quick to just accept them again, and I feel the tendrils of depression grabbing at me to drag me into its sticky and oily marshes.
So….I press on. Do my best not to believe. To trust in the One who only speaks truth into that longing soul. To seek Him. I remind myself over and over that they are but lies.