Wednesday, I wrote about the battle I’ve been fighting with loneliness and the lies that it’s telling me. Lies that no one really likes me, that I’m not wanted, that I should just give in.
I did not have an easy childhood. I was the ridicule of not only my class in school but also the age groups around mine. Those words above that are lies now were the blatant truth from about the age of five to ten. I rarely had friends and when I did it was the result of a parent telling their child to just play with me or until a new kid at school learned from the more popular kids (the rest of the class for the most part) that I was an untouchable. My childhood was spent alone or being humored.
I am introverted by nature and the events of my childhood have helped spur that on. I am much more content to be by myself than with a group. But as much as I may like spending my time sitting on my couch alone & reading, loneliness likes to tag along and sit in my lap like one of my dogs.
Loneliness is an unfortunate byproduct of introvertedness. Despite it being your own choice to not engage you can feel desperately unwanted and alone. It can be a constant struggle.
I tend to judge others actions (or lack of) towards me. I second guess what people say. It’s a dangerous road that takes me to loneliness nearly every time. I am learning – in a hard way – to trust.