I’ve been saved for 18 1/2 years and fully believe that we are saved by grace alone, nothing else is required. However, I continue to believe the lie, that I must pay penance. I must suffer for my sin. I read in a book recently a phrase to the effect that forgiveness demands suffering.
I found myself relating.
I feel as though I must suffer in my repentance, in my being sorry. This affects not only my faith but realms outside of my Christian walk. If Shawn and I have an argument my brain switches to I messed up I deserve for him to be upset with me. If I make a mistake at work and get in trouble I switch into I deserve the retribution that is spoken, I should have known better.
………. ….and I wallow there.
It affects my day and my relationships.
I’ll be honest….a lot of this comes from skeletons hidden in dark closets. Things that I have trouble getting over, or should I say maturing in.
I hold on to these insecurities, these lies because in a weird twisted way they make me feel better. I feel as though I’m making payment.
Even though I could never pay, and the debt is already paid.
How do we move past the lies?