As I mentioned in my review of Permission To Speak Freely yesterday I loved the book. The night I started reading it ended up being a difficult night sleep-wise. I got only about three hours of sleep total. As I laid there tossed from my left to my right to my stomach and complete 360’s my mind wandered to fears. Fears I have. Fears that don’t necessarily keep me up at night but haunt the crevices of my mind.
I wandered down stairs and got my journal. I wrote out these fears. I needed to put them down on yellowish paper with black/blue ink. They haunt me. I don’t know how to escape them. Some of them are bigger than others. All of them are real. They speak to my life right now.
I wrote in Monday’s post that after some circumstances that I walked in fear over, that God gave me courage. However, if I’m going to be honest those circumstances which I haven’t left still bring out tremendous fear. Even just Sunday night conversations with Shawn brought my fears to the brim.
The problem with fear, is we know reality. There have been many times that I’ve had to trust God. There was no other option. Three weeks before Shawn and I got married I got laid off from my job. Not usually the way a new couple plans to start their life together. We spent the first three months of our marriage having to trust God to provide. It wasn’t easy. I remember crying on his shoulder because I couldn’t find a job, and should we go get food from our church’s Manna Ministry. Despite our own fears God provide. We paid our bills, met our rent on time, and at times had money left over.
I wonder where the disconnect happens. When we have evidences of God’s faithfulness, yet we still choose to live in fear. Fear that we won’t be able to pay our bills, fear that God is asking us to do the unthinkable, fear that we will never be healed. The list goes on and on and on.
Your turn, confession. I want this place (PrudyChick.com) to be a place that we can be open with one another. I want you to feel free to speak freely without fear of being judged by me or other readers. Today I want you to share your fears. I’m not talking ones like being afraid of spiders or snakes or the dark, but the ones that haunt you and don’t relent.
Also don’t forget to enter to win a copy of Anne Jackson’s book Permission To Speak Freely here.