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Grace Confessions

Date: 25 Jan 2011
By: prudychick
Comment: 19

At the airport on Friday I wanted to ungraciously tell a guy he was in the wrong numbering position to get on the plane.  I was #53, he was #54, he was in front of Shawn who was #52.  I became so angry, “Why couldn’t this guy just pay attention”.  My angry thoughts echoed in my head, my heart became hard.  The Holy Spirit was quick to whisper, “Grace”.  Conviction and my anger began to battle it out.

God is teaching me grace in the little things.  Things like responding to the guy in the airport.  Anger should not have been my first reaction to something so stupid (and when I say stupid I mean who cares if the guy was not in the correct spot?).

I was thinking yesterday that I wish it was the end of the year and this lesson could be over.  That I could be 12 months deep into it and be the person God has for me to be then.  But that’s not the way life works.  We don’t get to jump from point A to point Z.  There are a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to go through; and in the end we still may not be at point Z.

Over the last 25 days I’ve felt like throwing in the towel.  I’ve told God I don’t get it.  That it’s hard.  That I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to be learning.

I know I’m not the only one.  Resolutions are hard, but I think this……is a lot harder.  Choosing having God give you a One Word is allowing Him to take you and completely rearrange your life, your mind, your soul, your heart etc.

I’m not giving up, and neither should you!

So…how is your One Word going?

  1. Melissa Brotherton January 25, 2011 at 1:38 am Reply
    I'm kind of sick of sacrificing. I want my iPhone back. :( There's other things I'm sacrificing too, but that one made the biggest impact so far. Luckily, God gave me two words: Sacrifice & Abide. So, I'm focusing on abide. Haha! Even then, the sacrifice comes in. I'm sacrificing doing what I want during nap time to spend time with Him. That sacrifice doesn't hurt so much right now though. Praying for you, Prudy, that you extend that grace to yourself as well. :)
    • prudychick January 25, 2011 at 7:32 am Reply
      Thank you so much. I love the image of sacrifice and abiding together. Woven beautifully.
  2. Nicole January 25, 2011 at 4:48 am Reply
    I love the line "conviction and anger began to battle it out." I can't tell you how many times I've felt that. There's another word at play here too: surrender. That's the overarching theme of life for me, that I have to surrender to God's way, his plan, his conviction, that I have to grit my teeth and choose his way of doing things. Most of the time as I get into it, I feel his presence and pleasure that I'm following Him. But not every time....but like you said, there's a whole lot of learning between point A and point Z.
    • prudychick January 25, 2011 at 7:36 am Reply
      It is a lot of surrendering. Giving up the way I think I should be able to respond, or the feelings I feel I should be able to have. I'm reminded of Christ. If anyone had the right to be angry and act on it, it would be Him. But He surrendered His rights. He gave up His glory. He forgave.
  3. Bindu January 25, 2011 at 5:33 am Reply
    Love this post, you read my mind. "Resolutions are hard, but I think this……is a lot harder. Choosing having God give you a One Word is allowing Him to take you and completely rearrange your life, your mind, your soul, your heart etc." I agree its hard...I find myself exhausted but still not willing to give up...
    • prudychick January 25, 2011 at 7:46 am Reply
      Bindu, thanks for visiting. It's great to see the perseverance that we have, that which is only happening because of God's grace in our lives.
  4. Elora January 25, 2011 at 7:07 am Reply
    yeah. i feel this. i just texted russ and told him that today, i'm wanting to turn & run - there's a false comfort in turning in on ourselves and hiding. and this morning i'm particularly weary with jubilee - not necessarily the "celebration" side of the word, but the side that speaks of restoration. it's harder than you would think - allowing Christ to restore you. i can't help but battle those thoughts of, "um...Jesus...when You gave me this word, i didn't sign up for THIS part of the definition."
    • prudychick January 25, 2011 at 7:50 am Reply
      I think we all feel that we didn't sign up for this part of the definition. Sometimes I think that God sits in Heaven and smiles at us and says I know, but my grace is sufficient for you.
      • Elora January 26, 2011 at 6:45 am Reply
        His grace is sufficient. yes. perfect.
  5. Moe January 25, 2011 at 8:15 am Reply
    I have to admit, that the difference between OneWord and resolutions is that my OneWord (Hope) is constantly in my mind. Every action, reaction, mistake, approach is draped in "hope" clothing. It's both refreshing and challenging. Because, oftentimes, I find myself in situations that seem hopeless.
  6. Jenny January 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm Reply
    one day at a time friend... fatigue is a booger when trying to pursue our One Words... I"m learning that. I'm also learning that I may have a second word that I am actually focusing more intentionally on and that has me gravitating around it: Faithfulness...
    • prudychick January 25, 2011 at 12:20 pm Reply
      I think that we will have "second" words through out the year. As the Lord teaches us different areas, different words that affect our One Word.
  7. Jason January 25, 2011 at 12:09 pm Reply
    "That I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to be learning." Wow...I've been there more times than I care to know. Sometimes I wish I'd gone through with just one word instead of what I'm doing because there would be that focal point. Instead, this trusting God for everything I am and my entire dream can be really hard. I broke down twice during Dream Year weekend just crying out to Him asking what He was doing and why I was there. I just know you and your hubby are going to do great things after listening to you talk at DY about what you want to do. It will be energizing to watch.

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  9. Katy January 25, 2011 at 4:07 pm Reply
    i agree.....i'm like uh whaaa it's only been 25 days and i've already had to trust and be trusted and all that jazz. um, sign me up for a skip ahead! but you're right it is in the midst of it all that we really are refined and learn what god has for us...oh life!
  10. Kamrie January 25, 2011 at 8:15 pm Reply
    My one word is really hard. Every time I attempt to listen there is awkward silence and the person who I am talking to just stares at me. I get a little creeped out and make an awkward comment then talk about something I am struggling with. Seriously contemplating duck tapping my mouth.
    • prudychick January 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm Reply
      I think part of listening is seeking out what the person is really saying. Or what they're not saying.
  11. Tre January 26, 2011 at 11:41 am Reply
    Those little things get me every time!! the spiraling in me is a mess. God seems to start with those small things. they seem to build up into a great foundation. Grace is so hard. The small things seem the worse!
  12. LS January 28, 2011 at 7:48 pm Reply
    i feel like this too, more often than not. . .utterly failing in the littlest things where the answers should be a given. and wanting to throw in the towel because it seems so hard. . .i am starting to realize that the most important moments are the ones where we want to throw in the towel the most. those are the places where we need to push through that wall, because that feeling is from the enemy. and more than anything, he wants to stunt our growth in the Lord. . .

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about me

Prudence is a 30-something writer who lives in Arizona with her husband Shawn and their chihuahuas Lengua and Zeus. She writes her life, her experiences and her crawl back to hope. Eventually, she hopes to visit India – a place that’s captured her heart without ever stepping foot on the soil.