Hope: and Dreaming

I wear a thin band of silver on my left hand.  Inscribed is the word Hope.

It serves as a reminder to hope.  To not let go of dreaming, of desiring.  I’ve done that a lot over the last few months.  I’ve given up on dreaming for my future.  The day dream of what a year or 10 years from now looks like.

It’s been too hard.  I explained to Shawn over the weekend that it feels like we were punched in the stomach & I’m still trying to catch my breath.  I get scared to try to stand back up because I’m so afraid up getting knocked back down.  After all, you can’t fall if you’re already on the ground.

Shawn said some hard words to me recently.  They cut because my pride & my fear are comfortable here on the ground.  But I needed to hear them.

I need to start dreaming again.  I can’t go any further until I do so.

So today I choose to begin dreaming again.  I choose to let my mind wander to the what may possibly be.  I know the steps will be heavy with trepidation but I’m choosing to take the baby steps toward freedom.