I never said it would be easy, in fact I distinctly remember knowing it would be probably one of the hardest things I’ve done.
Re-learning to hope.
Despite our lives not moving forward at the pace I’d like them to, the curtain of despair seems to be shifting. I can see it blowing in the wind allowing light to enter through its rich thickness.
In spite of a crazy couple of weeks at work and over four hours of overtime this week and looking like more tomorrow, these past few days have been good.
The darkness of fear and abandonment aren’t shadowing like they have recently.
I’m allowing myself, for what seems like the first time in over six months, to feel hope. Not a shallow hope, but a deep one. A hope that penetrates my core.
Frustrations and discontentment still lie there because the goal hasn’t yet been reached, but right now ……. right now I’m able to say “okay…I can do this…I can let go and fly”.
I have no way of knowing if this bravery will continue unhindered or if I’ll find myself clinging to my fears again. Knowing my fickle heart I won’t be surprised if one day in the future I find myself having fallen backwards.
The only course of action I have right now is to walk these steps of hopefulness I’m feeling. To allow myself to continue letting go and allow the air streams to carry me and be my rescue.