yesterday i was on my way home from the grocery store and in literally a blink of an eye i saw the shadow of a flock of birds flying over head. they were flying fast. i almost missed them.
the thing about flight is …. well at least my flight, is that it hasn’t been a conscious effort. for all my running and jumping and trying to catch air i feel like my feet were cemented to the floor.
i’ve spent the last 5 1/2 months, or more the last year and a half expecting climatic revelations, catastrophic changes in my life. overnight transformations in my ability to hope and trust.
they’ve never came. i’ve had some revelations, on planes headed to eastern europe, on february, wednesday nights when i should be sleeping, on sea shore cliffs. the revelations – like elijah’s – has been when i least expect it. when i’m not trying.
i never had the overnight or even over the course of several months transformations. it’s been a long, not so steady road. it’s been just being. being in my brokenness. being in my lack of faith. because when i can just be there, and not force things, that’s when i begin to see growth.
these year words aren’t about overnight transformations or climatic revelations. we call them our word for the year for a reason, because we know we need time. and sometimes those 365 days are even enough, but we take what we can get.
my hope is beginning.
and I AM TERRIFIED!!!
i’m scared to leave this ground and trust these wings. but flying terrified is better than never finding my fear to leave the ground and miss the beauty awaiting my vision.
i still have six months, seven days left of Fly. i still have a lot to learn. but i’m learning to trust and that is an important first step.