As much as I enjoy the freedom to go on Facebook and Twitter again there was a blessed solitude in not. Quietness. Peace.
I feel the need to ease back into them. Not to immerse myself in the hustle and bustle of people I know and those I don’t. It’s daunting. Seeing all those unread tweets and updates.
To the place I was before, where I allowed these (in reality) stupid things to become ultimate in my life. I cared more about what others were saying than what Jesus had to tell me. Jesus doesn’t tweet, I have to go to the Bible to get His “updates”.
So, I’m fearful I’ll go back there. To her. I’m afraid at times to even open them up because I really don’t want to get sucked back in.
I don’t feel like I’m supposed to leave Facebook and/or Twitter. I appreciate being able to connect/reconnect with friends via both. To glean 140 (or less) characters of wisdom. To know instantly that someone needs prayer and be able to lift them up at that moment. I really just don’t want to go back there.
So I’m going at this slowly. I hope to not be on as much as I used to be. I plan also to take fasts from both in the future. Just to make sure my heart is still aligned with where it SHOULD be. If you don’t see me don’t worry. DM or email me. Check in on me. Keep me accountable.
Yesterday was the first day in four months that I wore a normal shoe without arch supports in my left shoe or an orthodic boot.
I’ve learned a few things about walking in the last few months.
Sometimes, it takes patience.
Sometimes, it’s painful.
Sometimes, you need a little help.
In the past week and pretty much the last few months I keep turning over and over in my head not walking in fear. Conversations with Shawn, blog posts other people have posted. It keeps coming back like a little bouncy ball.
I’m learning that I’m not as acceptable to change as I thought I was. Maybe it’s the skeptic that has grown in me since marrying a pessimist. I obviously don’t want to walk in fear. We are commanded not to fear.
Fear is not only immobilizing but can be convoluted also. What we chalk up to “waiting on God” in many cases is fear. Fear to take a step into the unknown. Fear of leaving our comfort zone.
When we walk in fear we do not walk in joy or faith. We are relying on ourselves and our ability to discern a situation. We cannot grow when we walk in fear.
Learning to not walk in fear is part of our sanctification. That road is is not always easy, but it must be walked.
I was dealing with some discouragement and envy a week or so ago. Thanks to this post by blogger Mandy Steward which Shawn turned me onto. Which lead me to other bloggers she mentioned in the post. Which lead me to saying this to him, “Geeze I suck.” Which lead Shawn to ask why I would say that. My reply? “Because I’m not creative and I’m surrounded by creative people.”
I really don’t think that I’m creative. I think that I get random bursts of creativity. I create a funky piece of jewelery or create a really cool looking card. These bursts are rare. I sit around in the background watching others create masterpieces not to mention my amazingly creative, hot husband create things out of nothing.
So in the midst of my discouragement and envy I decided to take a giant step. Do something I’d never done before. At lunch I found myself deliberately in the canvas and paint aisles at Michael’s. I had a small budget since we’re waiting on Shawn’s payday but I came home with a few things.
I actually really enjoyed painting. I’m no Monet, Picasso, or even Mandy Steward but I tried. I found something new I liked doing. Here is the final product. I even Modge Podged a photo of us to the canvas.
Prudence is a 30-something writer who lives in Arizona with her husband Shawn and their chihuahuas Lengua and Zeus. She writes her life, her experiences and her crawl back to hope. Eventually, she hopes to visit India – a place that’s captured her heart without ever stepping foot on the soil.