I’ve been saved for 18 1/2 years and fully believe that we are saved by grace alone, nothing else is required. However, I continue to believe the lie, that I must pay penance. I must suffer for my sin. I read in a book recently a phrase to the effect that forgiveness demands suffering.
I found myself relating.
I feel as though I must suffer in my repentance, in my being sorry. This affects not only my faith but realms outside of my Christian walk. If Shawn and I have an argument my brain switches to I messed up I deserve for him to be upset with me. If I make a mistake at work and get in trouble I switch into I deserve the retribution that is spoken, I should have known better.
………. ….and I wallow there.
It affects my day and my relationships.
I’ll be honest….a lot of this comes from skeletons hidden in dark closets. Things that I have trouble getting over, or should I say maturing in.
I hold on to these insecurities, these lies because in a weird twisted way they make me feel better. I feel as though I’m making payment.
Even though I could never pay, and the debt is already paid.
How do we move past the lies?
Prudence is a 30-something writer who lives in Arizona with her husband Shawn and their chihuahuas Lengua and Zeus. She writes her life, her experiences and her crawl back to hope. Eventually, she hopes to visit India – a place that’s captured her heart without ever stepping foot on the soil.